17
The Forum didn’t have the desired effect this time, and the foursome ate somberly. Rami had no words to cheer up the others and didn’t try. Sometimes it was best to let the person feel the pain. Rami being Rami, he couldn’t help himself.
“Feeling the pain of life is like the body growing in youth. Pain equals growth. I am feeling it too, so I won’t offer any other salve…” Rami said.
They listened intently to their new friend and seemed to be let down when he trailed off. Rami sensed this and dug into his physician’s bag.
“I came to Minneapolis because of a man named Hubert Humphrey. The 1948 Democratic Convention was the catalyst. Humphrey’s speech talked about ‘human rights…not state’s rights…’ and that simple phrase stopped me cold. Who is this man? Every so often, but not often enough, we hear truth spoken. I immediately went to the book on the shelf and looked up Minnesota. The description said very cold winters, and hot summers. Mosquitoes. 10,000 lakes! I thought of the ‘Emerald City’ from the Wizard of Oz! I knew at that moment I had to live there. Not just visit, but to put my body and soul in that area. Humphrey’s siren call woke me up to something I never felt before. So, I came here. The University of Minnesota had a very good law school, so my journey started. You see, I come from a wealthy background but always felt different. My social strata were small, and very unhappy.”
Jim couldn’t help but glance at Carolyn, and she met his eyes too. She looked away as Rami resumed.
“When I had no reason to get out of bed, that was a sad existence. So, I packed my bag and left. No notice just left. I was scared but did it anyway. And when I finally made it to that train station, I thought I had made the biggest mistake in my life.”
Rami looked around to see if they were following his angst. They were.
“These tall blonde giants with ice blue eyes looked like aliens, and I was the outsider. It made me self-conscious, and I was flooded with self-pity and doubt. I thought I had made a mistake, no money, no friends, no family, so I packed my bag and went back to our train station. I was drunk, of course. Then…”
Rami looked at his little group and their rapt attention and stopped.
“That’s enough. I don’t want this to become all about me-Rami. I want to listen, and believe it or not, I need to work on that. People look at me with my exotic looks, and think I must have all the answers, which I have to say is a misnomer. I love that word. So, Carolyn, I am curious what you think about all of this?”
Rami, Mags and Jim turned their attention to her, while she looked around with obvious discomfort. Carolyn pushed her cup of coffee back and forth, and Mags felt a pang of compassion and guilt for her erstwhile enemy.
“Its okay,” Mags said surprising even herself.
Carolyn looked at her and relaxed.
“Okay. Your story moved me, and I absolutely love you, Rami. I have never met a more genuine person as you,” she confessed while looking at Mags.
Mags felt her face get warm as Carolyn’s words stung her like an angry bee. Feeling uncomfortable, she looked at Rami and his eyes showed her compassion.
“This has been a very unusual journey for me, and when you said everyone looked strange, I am finding your behavior as strange.”
Carolyn became self-conscious once she felt her feelings surfacing, and embarrassment.
Rami sensed this-
“Its okay Carolyn. You are feeling, and feeling for the first time in your life can be like being pushed out of a boat as your first swimming lesson. It’s scary, new, uncomfortable. Please, go ahead.”
I don’t have reason to think you aren’t just spinning yarns, but I do. You see I grew up in a family where appearances were the most important thing in life. How I look. How I talk. Who are my friends? Who I date. I mean on and on, I just thought I could never measure up and grew jealous of my best friend-Mags.”
Carolyn stopped her confessional and wanted to walk away from the table, maybe for a quick visit to the Oval Room. She looked at Mags again, and her ‘energy’ appeared to be different. Was she nodding? Mags reached over and took her hand and squeezed it. Carolyn froze.
“That was beautiful Carolyn. What you were talking about was what I was going through, and the only way I could break out of that mindset was to leave. The problem is they call this a geographical escape. Sure, I left, but I took my neuroses with me. My ego was still frozen with all the negative habits I learned. The key word here is learned. What is learned can be?” Rami quizzed.
Rami looked around- “and? Learned, then…?”
“Unlearned,” they said in unison.
“Yes! Good class!”
Rami laughed. The others looked at one another and tried to join in, but their self-conscious reflexes took over. Carolyn pulled her hand away from Mags, while Mags stiffened. Jim got up to find a desert. The relaxed mood quickly evaporated, and Rami watched with interest and waited until Jim returned.
“You see, change is the hardest thing we can do. Breaking a habit that is counter to my health, both physical and spiritual- is counter intuitive. Before I got sober, I thought my ability to relax would be gone forever. What would I do when I needed to forget, to relax, to feed my starving ego?”
Rami stopped again, knowing he was verging on having them look upon his talk as a sermon.
“Back in my country, well I do look at myself as an American now, I had the opportunity to have an audience with a famous yogi and thought he would have all the answers. I waited, and waited, and I got the idea. He had none. He smiled and gently told me they were all in, he pointed to his heart. I walked away more confused than a few minutes earlier and thought I must be the biggest idiot to have walked the Earth. It was a good message, since I took it to mean I had to do more of the same, which kept me moving further away from my heart. His message that day mirrored the knowledge that I already had!”
That seemed to break the pseudo- lecture while they re-focused on Rami.
“I am sure you have heard the saying, you can’t learn anything by winning. So, I have everything society says that I have won, just by being born into this family. Won what? Money? Connections? What does that even mean? I didn’t win anything. Once I realized that I couldn’t be content. I love ‘the pursuit of happiness’ in the Declaration of Independence. Do you realize that was the first time a country was founded on principles? Ideas? Humphrey’s ‘human rights, not state’s rights’ speech. It keeps pushing the boundaries of humanity. The ‘pursuit of happiness’. Imagine that! What worked in the past was now a calcified corpse of the past. The world shook and has been shaking ever since. The French reacted to their Queen during the French Revoluton. ‘Let them eat cake!’, you see where that led? The fuse was lit on that July 4th.”
There was a silence that the noon-time diners filled in with their laughter.
Mags leaned back and her eyes focused on Rami.
“It took the Civil War to free the slaves. Early part of this century so I could vote. I still can’t open a checking account at a bank without a man…”
Rami was silent for a few moments. Then he leaned forward and took Mag’s hand and squeezed it.
“Mags, I have no doubt when it comes time to rectify those wrongs, you and Carolyn will be there to change it.”
Feeling left out, Jim leaned back and the mood at the table shifted. Rami sensed Jim unconsciously leaving the conversation and turned to him with a smile.
“Jim and Rami will be there too, right Jim?”
