23

The morning would see Mags and Jim take Ben back to the station for his trip home. He overheard Mag’s plan and was shaken by it.

“Margaret, I know we have our problems but think about the move here. You have no idea how goddamn cold it gets, and if Jim lives here, they might tag him as a damn Communist. When I say that, I am serious. This area is swimming, or should I say skating with them.”

Mags was taken by his turn at comedy, and Ben’s warning had the opposite effect.

“I need a change Ben, and sometimes not knowing is good.”

He growled at her reasoning.

“Well, maybe the radicals aren’t that bad, I’ve known a few. Just stay away from that goddamn Rami, he is bad news.”

Again, Ben’s admonition only made her see Rami as a sympathetic figure as she made a mental note to catch up with him soon.

“Of course, Ben. Rami is worse than Sid, I mean, you know what I mean…”

Ben growled again.

“Sid is a stand-up guy. You leave him out of this. He will make sure you won’t freeze to death.”

They both laughed at his comment. Ben looked at his son and shook his head.

“Goddamn son, you were going to do it up there, weren’t you?”

Jim nodded.

“There may be hope for you yet- trust me. I have a few pans on the fire, you just wait,” he said with a grin.

He shook his dad’s hand, and Mags leaned in for a quick hug. Ben turned and walked away, while Mags sensed the smell of that fire.

“He’s right Jim. Ben is going to make sure something happens to your future and soon.”

They had lunch in the hotel restaurant and sipped their coffee with leisure. Mags was plotting her itinerary in Minneapolis, while Jim glanced at the Minneapolis Star-Tribune. She sensed the pace of the city, of the antebellum South. Minneapolis reminded her of a kid who was learning to walk, and unsure of their speed. Too fast, they fall. Too slow, they don’t progress. That’s the sense that this city, and probably Saint Paul too. Since she hadn’t explored the sister city, that would happen soon enough.

“So, what do you think Jim? An extended stay here?”

Mags knew what his answer would be but let him acknowledge it in his own voice. He kept studying the newspaper while he pondered the right answer.

“I just can’t Mags. My life is out East, and this would be too soon and too fast.”

Mags heard the words he used, a phrase that was typical of Jim. If it wasn’t a worn trail, he wouldn’t stray, and she knew it.

“But you can Mags,” he said with finality.

She lit a cigarette and looked at him with affection. Jim was her man, and she would always stay with him, but this was for her. Mags wanted to see what was out there, and this was the perfect break away from being calcified. Minneapolis was the answer!

“I appreciate your being an adult.”

That word made her shudder, and she inhaled the Winston hoping a new one would appear.

“I mean understanding.”

Jim nodded at the compliment.

“Some day we will see this as our great experiment, the time that we took off the chains of ownership and set each other free. You know, this is scary for me too,” she said with her eyes tearing.

Jim went back to his paper and was quiet.

“Or I can come home with you, I don’t have to stay,” she said hating herself for it.

Jim looked up, satisfied that he still had some say in their marriage.

“No, it will be good for you, I mean us. What do I tell people back home?”

Mags thought no matter what the scenario, Jim was still fishing for the perfect hook.

“Um, just tell them I am taking classes at the University, they will understand.”

Jim nodded in agreement.

They figured it was best that he left on the afternoon train, so they wouldn’t change their minds. Mags wouldn’t and hoped he didn’t either. She honestly felt that if Jim had stayed, the whole dream of independence would have been destroyed, and her life ruined. It scared Mags how important this had become and knew exactly how it came about.

“Do you think Rami lied? I mean the way Ben said it, he was the worst imposter ever. Do you agree with that Jim?”

As they walked towards the station, he stopped and looked down at her.

“No one cares Mags. That’s what makes us different from Ben and Bill, they did. They saw everything as proper and moral. Their word was their bond, and if you weren’t on the same page, they would never trust you. And that makes perfect sense, they saw death up close in the war. It was us or them. You and me never had to make that choice, our lives are a buffet of options. Do you think my mom would have said to Ben- “I am going to Paris for six months…”

Jim’s line exposed Mag’s selfishness that she couldn’t see herself, and her heart dropped.

“We know the answer. They were in control, they saved our way of life, and it was their duty, that word I heard so many times, duty. It was their duty to uphold the standards, and in Bill’s case, it was too much. Ben understood that. He sees Rami as having no authenticity, and that’s it. Other than that, Rami doesn’t exist to him. No one exists to him when they don’t follow his code of conduct. That’s why I spend most of my time running over the code book in my own life and freezing with regularity. It’s hard to live under that roof, it is so limiting. My life was never my own- really. So, when you say you want to stay here for a while or forever, trust me, I understand.”

Mags knees almost buckled as she felt a surge of love course through her body like never before. Right then, she realized that Jim was her soulmate.

“I love you so, so much Jim,” she said squeezing him tighter than ever.

“I know.”

Jim let her go and walked away.

Mags wanted to run after him and never let him go. She couldn’t, and he understood why.